My friend shared a link to a blog by someone who’s Asian and autistic. I like this listicle and its whole project, although not all the items on the list feel applicable to me.
Well, the list items are mostly relatable, but the sign isn’t. Then again, I’m not an employee. My disabilities combine to mean I’m not working in workplaces for pay. Maybe the listicle makes more sense for people with different capacities than mine.
writing
I like direct and detailed communication, but not literal, necessarily. A good metaphor can help understanding. I’m a poet, after all.
“Why don’t you just come out and say what you mean?” is a question asked of poets. It reminds me of when my dad would see me write letters to my friends.
“If you have something to say, why don’t you just call them up on the phone?” Dad asked. He was frustrated with how I differed from him. Like writing letters is a waste of time. He didn’t get the way writing or receiving a letter can be a unique pleasure, or letter writing as an art. Something physical to hold onto, the treat of real paper in a world of digital ephemera.
spouse
Intersectionality is so important. Stereotypes about Asian people might affect possibility of diagnosis and assistance. My spouse, for example, has some challenges that might seem like OCD, but I think his OCD-like challenges, plus social differences, plus language differences, probably add up to autism.
But he is Asian, so maybe doctors are not seeing him clearly. Since mainstream medicine is made mostly for white men, he is not the intended audience. He is not white and not a man, though he uses he/him pronouns much of the time.
He is a nonbinary person but doesn’t strongly assert it with language or by signaling with clothing, hairstyle, or name choices. So any doctor who looks at my spouse is mostly thinking he’s a man. But his autism doesn’t look like cliche man autism. So he slips through the cracks, like I do.
Also my spouse is well into middle age–he gets the senior discount now, some places. His son was tested for autism and diagnosed, but my spouse was never tested for autism.
The Asianness is one more difference, and so often in social contexts including medical contexts, we are allowed one or two differences. Any more than that, and it’s almost impossible to be understood. We get so illegible we might as well float away.
how much social attention we pay
There are the people with autism who pay not that much social attention and can have problems for that. And then there are people with autism like me who pay too much social attention. Carefully studying the people around us to figure out what’s going on and stay safe can be part of masking. It takes so much energy.
My spouse is the kind of autistic person who pays possibly too little attention socially, and I’m the kind of autistic person who pays too much.
Yeah, I have a new friend, and it’s time for me to tell them that I have a memory problem: I remember almost everything someone says to me. Especially if I like them. It can creep people out when I remember way more than is standard. But I don’t mean to be creepy–I can’t help what my mind stores.
stimming
My spouse stims, but the stims he likes are different from mine. It’s fun to deeply connect with another person and share their valid world.
1 comment